Sense
by Miss Momolo
Summary: They were scattered on the floor covered in old blankets. They were all close to him, huddled together. It made sense, it was goodbye. It made sense, he was getting married. It was going to be the last time they were going to be together as they were now. Summary: Sokka's getting married. final chapter. The follow up is Beneath Dark Waters and Then Tokka week
1. Sense

**Declaimer: I do not own ATLA or their characters. I would like for suggestion on whether I should continue this story, I mean, if you want a possible happily ever after with Toph and Sokka.**

* * *

They were scattered on the floor covered in old blankets. They were all close to him, huddled together. It made sense, it was goodbye. It made sense, he was getting married. It was going to be the last time they were going to be together as they were now.

They were all sleeping except Toph, she was up all night as they exchanged memories and strange conversations about events and the past and after when they fell silent into slumber. She didn't speak, not even a word. There was this lump in her throat that reminded her of when he first told her the news. Sokka knew she wasn't that happy, she was never that good in pretending, but she guessed that he was better at it since he pretended he didn't notice when she distanced herself from him for the last six months. It made sense, she was cheerless.

At times she wondered what could have happened if things were to be a certain way. Would it have changed anything? Would it have remained the same? Would it have changed anything at all? Would it had all stayed the same? If things would to be different would he, today, have been marring her?

It's irrelevant, Toph decided as she dragged her body closer to his. All that matters is that he is happy, going to be happy, live a happy life, have a happy wife, happy children, die happy. Even if she is miserable, going to be miserable, live a miserable life, have no him, die miserable. It made sense, it was his life.

Through the bittersweet sensation she was whole because she knew there was no better wife than Suki. And Suki loves Sokka's so much and he loves her so much. And she would make a great wife oppose to a no good blind bandit. And would make a good mother oppose to a no good blind women. And he loves her more than a no good blind fragile girl.

Toph imagined that it can't be more than three in the morning and she knows she has to rest because if she doesn't she won't have the strength to go through the day without collapsing to the floor or just enough to her the I-do's. But she has to tell him because she knows later she won't have the chance, later it would be morally wrong, later he would be really paying attention.

"I love you," she said because he's not listening.

* * *

The air licked at her with the night wind. Toph tried to suppress a shiver because there were more important things, like knowing why Sokka brought her here, to this unknown place. She guessed they were at a hill but she only figured that out with the vibrations she felt under her feet. Other than that he hadn't told her anything more than the needed to tell her something.

She was a bit wary about the whole thing; after all he said that it was important. Nothing is really important when it comes to Sokka. Well, not in the serious matter he purposely told her this afternoon. It came like a mystery and she was about to burst if it was not clear any time soon. Toph's feet were itching.

"So, what's up?" she finally asked, knowing that if she didn't they would stand all night in silence waiting for something.

"I, ah, wanted to tell you something." Sokka said awkwardly.

Toph didn't know if he had said anything and if she didn't quite catch it, after a minute she was sure he didn't utter anything at all. "What is it?"

Toph hear him scratch his hair or neck and if it were a stranger he or she might have not notice but she did. She knew him better than herself, sometimes she was embarrass to admit. He had hesitated. For him to hesitate meant that whatever he was about to say would mean that he was afraid of hurting her. As if she was weak and couldn't handle what was coming. Toph felt her heart skip two, three, four beats before he even spoke. He was usually right.

"I'm getting married," his words were like rocks thrown from above and right at her chest, the pain intensified by the speed it catch from afar and then the skinning feeling as it penetrated deep in her heart, converting and transforming itself into what was thrown at it. A stone.

Toph wasn't sure if it was the shock or the fact that she exhaled shakily or the small quiet that followed or the threatening tears she felt as she ran and hugged him or the hollow sensation in her stomach or just because she loved him enough to let him go, the words that she said next came with ease, "Oh, congratulations! I'm so happy for you."

She hated that she sounded happy and she hated that she had accepted it all so easily. It meant she had given up easily. It meant that for the first time in her life she was too hurt to continue on fighting. That's saying a lot considering she's the greatest earthbender in the world. And she was very undignified with herself because he was enough reason to keep on the fight.

* * *

"I wish you happiness," Toph said as she left Suki's room.

"I'll be happy any other way," Toph heard her shout as she closed the door. As she headed towards Sokka's room before the ceremony it dawn on her that her words didn't make sense. Because-

"Come in," came Sokka's voice after Toph knocked.

She fidgeted with the knob until she turned it and walked inside before she took in a gulp of air. Inside Toph stood awkwardly at one side as she interpreted the sounds of fabric and clincing as an indicator that he was still getting ready. Then there were footsteps coming out of someplace and then he exhaled.

"What?"

"I hope Suki looks as beautiful as you today," he told her.

Toph tried not to flat-out turn red in front of him. She had been receiving compliments on her long fitted earth-styled green dress and her earring and head piece and the make-up done by Katara and pointy shoes but she didn't believe anyone. Though hearing it from him made her stand a little straighter. He never lies.

"Ah, well, I was at Suki's could have told you how she looked like, but," Toph pointed at her eyes, "I'm blind." Then she hesitated. It wasn't the time to be joking she knew that. "But a bet she looks just as or more prettier than me. I'll let it pass, since it's your wedding day. I'll get her later."

There was this friction in the air which made her pulse quicken. She felt like turning on her heels and walking away. It felt nostalgic. Maybe because that was it, this moment was becoming a memory and soon they won't remember anything about today. It was goodbye. It was the end and it felt like the world stop in expectation of what was to come out of it. Toph hoped that it would be something good.

It took a moment for Toph to register the vibration and a second to hear his words and an instant to run into his arms. "Doesn't the broom deserve a hug?"

It felt like forever before she forced herself to relinquish the words. "I'm so happy for you."

His arms around her tightened. His words came like needles in her head as he whispered in her ear. "Are you?"

Toph pushed him away, insulted. How could he have told her that? "Of, course I am."

"Really?" he pressed on, his voice hinting a small ounce of annoyance that ticked her off.

"Yeah, but if you don't believe me that's your problem." He was doing it again. He was hurting her. Worse of all with the truth. She wasn't excited about the whole thing, that enough was clear. But she was happy for him. For the things that he would come out of this.

"That's just it, Toph. This is the second time you said those words and this is the second time I don't believe you."

"I'm sorry if it's not convincing!" she exclaimed, throwing her hands in the air. "But don't you think that these last moments that we spend together we shouldn't waste arguing."

"What makes you think that we won't spend more time together?" one question out of the blue that made her inside ripe apart with the reminder.

"Sokka, you're getting married." She said flatly as if it weren't more obvious. "There won't be time for friends. It's going to be totally different now. I'm sorry if you don't believe me but I'm truly am happy for you. I'm just not happy for myself and I'm sorry some traces catches with yours." She let her words sink. "But I just want to spend these last few moments happy, without fighting, or distrust. Like we use to. Just this once. Please."

"Okay," Sokka said reluctantly as he wrapped Toph in his arms.

Toph's arms found his back as she prayed to the Spirits not to ruin his clothes for the ceremony with her tears. "I only wish you happiness, you know that."

"What about yours?" he murmured.

She felt a lump rise at her throat. "As long as you are, I am."

Sokka gently pushed away, kissing her on the forehead. "I love you, too."

It made sense, he loved her too.


	2. Two

"I do," Sokka said.

"I," Suki dragged the words, "can't."

Gasp. Whispers. Murmurs. Complains. Arguments. Shouts. Chaos. Toph felt all of these as a pulse began at her head, momentarily paralyzing her where she was.

All her life she was told that she was blind, that she couldn't see, that she wasn't fully aware of the things that were continuing around her. At some she would protest because they weren't at their full capacity truth but at others there was no other choice but to except what was destined by birth. But times like this it was very hard to follow her and others opinions. Even more now when she was sure Sokka's eyes were looking right at hers. As if she knew what to do. Or held some consolation.

* * *

Seven days. A week. Minutes seemed to pass like hours and hours like months. It wasn't her pain but somehow these were the words she used to describe what he was feeling when they asked. It wasn't Sokka's exact description, if at all he never talked about 'That' as they referred to it but she guessed they were under the same thought of line. That's what she felt and since there was no other alternative because Sokka( even if they only stood in room full of silence) didn't want any other than Toph around and since everyone was so concern she only gave what her vibrations indicated. Tired. Devastated. Slow. Painful.

Seconds. It took Toph seconds as she sat at a chair near a window on her apartment to realize for the first time in a week, seven days, countless instants that Sokka had spoken.

"I don't understand," he said.

"Me neither," it was true, she after confronting Suki, never comprehended anything that took before and after she ran off the ceremony.

"I gave her everything," his voice sounded discontent from across the room, it didn't fit the noise going about below in evening Republic City, "I gave her all of me. I just can't see why she would do this. I loved her."

"Loved?" the words caught in her throat like a spider web, entangling her voice with murmuring ones repeating what he said last over and over.

"After all that happened," Sokka said, "I think it's best."

"Your, probably right." Toph tried to shrug it off easy but she couldn't. If she were to make him this mad would he forget about her that easily? No, not this mad, she would always do something to get him mad. This aggravated, this frustrated, this angry would he dismiss her to the past? Would she be loved one day by Sokka? The thought was almost impossible to imagine.

"Did she ever tell you something?"

Toph sighed. Of course Sokka saw her chase after Suki when she ran through the doors. She had hoped that he would avoid the subject, most of them did. Well, most of them didn't see her go after the soon-to-bride, all their attentions were to heart-broken-broom. She should have stayed with him instead, maybe then none of what's happening now would be taking place. But to someone who has lived so many years with a boy as wonderful as him and have the guts to walkway… She just couldn't see past the person who broke that boy into a hard cold man.

Though there were no time to regret now and no chance of herself getting out of this, so she tilted her head back as if she were thinking it over. Trying to summon the memory forward. But it was just a deceiving trick as she tried to understand for the second time that day the meaning behind Suki's actions after she just walked away. And her words…

_ Toph felt the sting in her eyes as she earthbend underground and located Suki's vibrations, popping to the surface in front of her. She was a good runner, she was pretty far from the ceremony and the reception and Toph hated that. She hated her for everything. She had hated her since she met her and know she knew why. She hated that she would just leave without explanations. She hated that somehow in the lapse of two hours a person could just stop loving and halt a commitment. Someone who had been in a relationship for years. Someone who couldn't utter any explanation for the amount of sum she felt towards Sokka, because even Toph knew that Suki loved Sokka more than life itself. So, what happened?_

_ "What's wrong with you?" Toph spat. That was a good way to start. _

_ "Toph," Suki gasped, stopping her legs, "don't do that!"_

_ "Oh, did I scare you?" Toph was amazed at how spiteful she sounded, but she quickly sentenced everything away deciding that it was everything if less of what Sukki deserved. "Well, you left a heart-broken Sokka in the altar!" _

_ "I don't have time for this," Suki was trying to push herself away. _

_ She got a few steps before Toph earthbended into tripping her, making her fall hard to the ground. Suki grunted and Toph cursed her for it. "You don't have time for this, but you have time to hurt him! What's wrong with you... you…" what word can describe her? "witch." _

_ "Leave me alone!" Suki growled, on her feet again. "You don't understand!"_

_ "Oh, I think I and everyone inside the ceremony understands-"_

_ "I love him, Toph." Suki began, her voice controlled and small and… sincere. _

_ "Then, why-"_

_ "But I can't commit to someone I love when he loves two."_

_ Toph stomach sunk. Was Suki suggesting that he was being unfaithful? How could she think that? How could she even suspect such a horrible crime? Sokka loves Suki, she is his world and she knows that. Why could she even accuse him of something so mischievous? Something that isn't him. Something that isn't true. Can't be true…_

_ "Suki, you're being crazy! How can you even assume that Sokka would… would…" Toph's mind was whirling and she was reminded of ties, rocking back and forth. Never settling_

_ "I've seen it with my own eyes, Toph." Suki said with a sort of finality that made any confusion dissipate. Because how can you compete with evidence? Even more so when you were eye-witness? And despite the nagging sensation that told Toph not to lose the small ounce of trust she held towards Sokka she couldn't help but believe Suki. _

_ "Does he know… that you know?" He has to know, right?_

_ "I gave him the choice to decide," Suki admitted, tiredly, exhausted. "And he just…"_

_ "He chose you!" Toph exclaimed as if it weren't more obvious. She cursed Suki again for not noticing. _

_ "But he didn't… He's still…" Suki's voice was wavering and she sighed defeated as if holding back the despair was no longer inevitable. "I need time to think, to sort things out. I'm going way." She was already walking away for what felt like the millionth time that day and Toph just stayed there. She wanted to go after Suki but she couldn't, she was numb. And somehow she couldn't blame Suki, she had some right in all this. She knew Sokka longer, even if for a few months, and deeper in scale and the pain must be worse and if she could see someone else in all of this when Toph couldn't… "Wish him luck, Toph."_

"She wished you luck," Toph said finally.

Toph heard something crash as Sokka screamed. It hit a wall, it sounded like glass. Toph tried not to flinch when it happened but it was too late, he was already apologizing. "I'm sorry, I'm just mad. I'll pay for it."

She shrugged and even though she didn't know that he'd just broken she said, grabbing whatever was near and throwing it to the ground. "Don't worry. I didn't like that hideous thing anyway. Trash anything you like. It helps."

The next hour was angry. That's the word. Sokka was grabbing whatever was hanging or laying in the way and he broke it. Toph wondered if he compared those objects with his heart, and every time he broke something new he relived that day at the altar. But maybe it was his pride because the next hour was spent moaning and grunting and when things ran out he started hitting the walls or biting and howling into a pillow. Though she figured it was his emotions because the next hour he spent condemning on Suki, criticizing things that didn't seem to matter then but seem to annoy him now. Like the way she talk, or the way she brushed her hair or the way she held his hand. Toph joined in a few but didn't interrupt as much because this was his time, not hers. At some point the stories changed to memories and he started laughing and pointing things out, like the way he use to love her smile when she tried hard to hide it. This hurt Toph more than any other, of course, this process was hurting her because he was hurting but somehow this was more painful because in a way he was… happy.

Finally Toph decided that he had reached his heart. Somehow Toph and Sokka had ended in the same couch, his head resting in her shoulder. Everything was quiet at last and the only thing Toph was aware of was the deafing silence and her hand rubbing his hair and his tear in her shoulder and his cry. Such a strong man, crying. It was kind of pathetic but Toph didn't point that out because she was holding her tears too. Of all hours this one seemed to drag the most and somehow she knew that even if she wanted another stage, any but this one, she knew it was the last. The one that was going to stay. Grief always stays.

"I don't understand," Sokka whispered. He sniffled and started choking on a sob. Toph patted him on the back and now he was clinging to her. When did she become the anchor? When did they changed roles?

"Me," Toph began to repeat the same words that she had over and over that day as she encircled her arms around and under his. But she hesitated. She shook her head instantly reminding herself of Suki. "Neither. "

_Me, _Toph thought_. Suki was talking about me_


	3. Time

Time is the best healer known around. Toph had known this to be true, she had a living testament. But at occasions she wished she could too be a living account. Somehow, though, she realized that time only healed wounds not ideas or thoughts that would haunt her rest away and would leave her awake at night, picturing images of things she never seen before. This, Toph found, a bit ironic because she was blind. Toph, also found it uncomfortable and immoral, wrong since the simple indication that he would ever be involved with her in some way was beyond imaginable. Later, Toph came to the conclusion that time was a predicament that constantly changed. To her time never made things better, somehow it made things worse.

Sokka in a way had fully recovered, if it weren't for the occasional window that at moments left open could reveal the shallow broken boy left behind. Because men are too old to dream and in occasion becoming a man meant a broken dream. Of course, Toph was sure no other but her notice, the vibrations indicating any fault; it seemed that the others were more preoccupied that their friend had returned from the lion's den to put any notice. Toph, didn't blame them though, because maybe if she wasn't as aware of the things that she had been told she wouldn't be as observant as she is now.

Toph hadn't heard from Suki since the wedding and hadn't asked or have the others mentioned her. She wasn't sure if it was because after what Suki had done to Sokka she had lost all recognition among the other or because Sokka would ask whoever mentioning her to shut up. Either way, it didn't matter, she was gone. But with all dread her words stayed, like a bad experience lurking every each minute in the back of her mind as a reminder every time Sokka was near.

Toph hated it more now, though, she didn't tell Sokka that. It seemed she couldn't avoid the dread as much as she wanted. Sokka had accustomed himself to cling to Toph as an anchor. She knew that he didn't see it that way and if at all. How could she avoid the guilt of ruining a perfectly happily ever after when she is constantly recalled by Sokka, who's by her side at all sides? Not that she doesn't mind, but now every little detail he does she was seeing it in a different light. Every laugh. Every comment. Every push. Every Joke. Every him.

Toph found herself in a present where she was constantly nervous about what she was doing. She couldn't relax. Not when Sokka told her he was getting married. Not when Suki left him in the altar. Not when Suki told Toph the reasons for her actions. Not when she realized she was the reason. And it seemed to be getting worse.

One day at work, when Sokka had resumed his duties as a Council Man, he entered Toph's office without knocking. Somehow in the last week he had resolved in not asking permission and just waltzing in. She hadn't mind at first, seeing how in the begging he did this to release some tension (either by breaking things or be grumping about co-workers, even though it was clear it was something else) but now it was getting irritating and bothersome to her work, Toph cursing the day she ever been so polite and he taking advantage of it. It also unnerved her seeing how every visit was different. One time he almost started to cry when he asked for café and what came to him in return was a 'cold' piece of damp dirt.

She should have seen it coming. But with him everything is unexpected.

"Toph?"

His voice was unusually usual and talked as if whatever he was about to ask couldn't be denied or somehow accepted. Toph's heart sank. He usually got what he wanted.

"I'm busy if you can see," she said, motioning to her work on the desk, knowing there was an assistant who could deal with it since she was blind and couldn't do much paper work, but finding it as an excuse to avoid anything he was about to encourage.

"Can I move in with you?" he asked. He didn't wait for it all to dawn. "I was living with Suki and now it seems…I mean it feels… pointless. And I don't want to bother Katara and Aang more than I have to in their house."

Not that it mattered, Toph thought, since you spend most of your time with me. But it couldn't get more official than this. All of the sudden the aftermath of his proposition came rushing back. Toph wanted to puke. Run. Be invisible. She truly became the woman who stole the man of another. Somehow, Suki was right.

How badly Toph wanted to say no, how badly did she wanted to push him way and forget everything but when he said: "What do you say?" all of the memories and circumstances came rushing back, reminding her of who he is to her and what friend she'd be if she denied this simple thing.

"All right." Toph said sounding hesitant no matter how much she tried to keep it at bay.

Sokka must have catch a glimpse of it because he quickly added, "Just until I find someplace for myself."

Of course he never did. And of course Toph never brought the subject back to life when it died months ago in his stay. Now she regrets never saying no. Because somehow that small mistake led to weird vibrations from the staff at work and from her friends and sometimes even from herself. Nobody asked or press the subject of their living arrangement but in the air held the big question. It wasn't inevitable when Toph started to feel degraded and even when she heard murmurs she immediately assumed it was her without ever considering other alternatives. Sokka on the other hand was oblivious or maybe a good pretender (he was good at that) and since the arrangement haven't seemed to care for anything else, his interruptions to her office diminishing.

A routine begins to form and soon Toph was sucked in. In morning she was awoken by breakfast, at first it was a surprise but quickly she started to this dread too. It was one of the things that Sokka and Suki did or more Sokka did to Zuki and even though Sokka shrugged saying it was programmed on him Toph could hear the remembrance the small task brought. Though, she protested he continued. The rest of the day was spent at work (which they left both together to) and if it were a weekend or some sort they found themselves thrown around the apartment mindlessly doing nothing. At night Toph headed for her room and Sokka to the sofa. Despite the breakfast everything was almost normal, like the old days when they use to travel on Appa with Aang and Katara with the later addition of Zuko.

Then there were the nightmares.

When she first witness this she laid in bed awake, unsure of what was happening because after all, one moment he was begging and the other he was silent. He repeated this sometimes with shouts or questioning cries. Was this the bothersome things he was doing in Katara and Aang's home? She thought for a moment if they woke him, picking out details in how she was going to do it herself. In the end she opposed to it, figuring it was a onetime deal.

It wasn't. When it was the fourth restless night she decided to stand and shook him awake. He was startled but seemed to come quick. Was he accustomed to it?

"What is it, Toph?" he asked as if nothing was wrong.

"You're screaming," she got to the point, not caring if she sounded bitter. In fact she was, very.

Sokka didn't deny it, like she thought he would. Since this process began he has not denied anything which is strange, she had been told. Toph hadn't expected anything less, Sokka was not a man to common things and for a fact was known to assist the problem to its totality. Maybe that's why he was council man.

Instead he sighed, "I'm sorry. It seems sleep is the only place I can't hide from her."

Toph's breath was pitched. She hoped he didn't notice. "It's okay. I just thought maybe you wanted to hide in reality instead."

A few seconds passed. "Thanks, Toph. It will never happen again."

It surprised her even now how she childish she'd been for believing another word he said. Well, she can validate to it, just this one time. Since he did keep his words, maybe stifling his voice or Suki's name in a pillow, for as long as she could regain the strength lost in the restless nights. But then somehow that dispatchment she misunderstood from time seemed just like another lie she had foolishly misinterpret. He was worse than her.

Countless and countless were the times she stood and dragged her body to wake him. Each time thinking that he was being too dramatic over the split, each time regretting ever opening her arms to him. But then as his eyes water, repeating his apology, the same he used, with the same excuse, she saw no other way. With a pang of jealousy she returned to her sleepless dream thinking before she did anything : _he really did love her_.

It was dark. She was peaceful, she suppose she was dreaming of something joyful before she was rouse, shaken awake by arms. She was prepared to fight, thinking it was a break in until she located her hands into the attacker's arms that she realized it was that big of a threat.

"Toph?" he said her name before she could his.

"Sokka?" she was beginning to get concern. "What happened?"

"Can I sleep with you?"

"What?" he sounded serious, her heart starting to crash and flutter at the same time.

"I…" he took a moment. "I had a nightmare. I know it sounds silly and kids do this stuff- but, can I sleep here?"

No, she wanted to answer. This was the time to make the right decision, to amend all the things she'd broken. Instead she found another object cracking. "Sure."

She headed for one side as he slipped on the other. At first it was uncomfortable but as the night rolled and the sleep took over it was all it took for Toph to care for anything else.

Since then there were no more nightmares. Though, it could do to the fact that ever since Sokka has slip into Toph side. When it began he had waken her up and asked, but then it became like her office, in the morning finding him next to her, sometimes with a hand on her stomach or his head on her shoulder, always unannounced. When she confronted him he said: "I'm not going to wake you every time." Because that would be inconsiderate. She wanted to cry out in that instant.

She felt everything Suki accused her of, even if her words didn't indicate exactly that. More because she liked waking up to Sokka's presence. Feeling every time when he joined her and when he turned and when he left. It fed her quilt even more. It felt more devastating when he didn't know what he was doing. The contradiction he was inflicting on her.

One time when Katara and Aang came to her apartment for a visit and found this awkward scene, not finding Sokka's pillow on the sofa, that was the time when she finally decided it was enough. It took her great strength but when night came and she felt Sokka sneaking in with her she took the opportunity.

"Sokka?"

Sokka took a breath then release it, as if he lost a game. "Sorry, for waking you."

"Not that. I was already awake." Toph, shook her head. She was losing track. "Sokka?"

"Huh?"

He was already pulling the covers over his head. "I want you to stop sleeping with me."

"What?" he sounded genuinely hurt. "Why?"

"And…" it was harder than she imagine, there was already a lump forming in her throat. "I want you to leave my apartment."

Sokka was so silent that Toph thought for a second that maybe he had left already but when she reached out he was still there. "What happened? Did I do something? Was coming here, sleeping beside you too much?"

The lump grew. "No. It's just… It's no good. It's just…"

"What is it, Toph? What did I do?" Sokka was already getting out of bed.

"It's me," she declared, whispering. "All, right. It's me."

"What are you talking about?"

"It's my fault you're here," she said. "My fault you're so sad."

"Toph, how can you say that? You're the only one who's making me happy."

She couldn't hear his words. He would not hear his words because she knew that he still didn't understand and if somehow he kept on talking she would resolve on keeping here further, that was what she was trying to avoid.

"Suki told me everything." She said, feeling the words like venom.

"Toph-"

"Just go! Leave!"

And so he did.

In the silence and emptiness that followed Toph realized that time was never truly a healer, if anything time was the one inflicting pain all along. Now… she didn't know how she felt now….

**A/N: I would like to clarify that they did not have sex. They just slept as roommates nothing more. **


	4. Solemn Tree

It was as if nothing happened. Like trees shedding leaves, not so important it seemed to everyone who came upon it. Expect the tree itself. Sadly Toph felt as if she was shedding to nothing at all. Sadly she wanted to be the everyone who came upon it. She wanted to be everyone but Toph. Everything but the tree.

Work days were the bitter ones because he treated her sternly. Like an acquaintance instead of a long lost friends. Like a stranger. Toph, with solemn remorse realized that he was the everyone that came upon her shedding dismal. He could help, he could show interest but instead kept on his marry way.

Was this what he felt when he was left at the altar?

Of course Toph should be anything but happy. Wasn't this what she wanted? The space? The freedom? No more guilt? Rather now she felt more miserable than ever, more guilty than she had when Sokka was living with her. She guessed that she wasn't that sure then, that it came with the piece of distance. No, she never knew it came with a piece at all. Maybe deep in her subconscious she was aware that all things came with a consequence. He was always the aftermath.

Maybe he was the reason or where the verdict fell upon this night.

In the halls she found that she was the only one smiling when they brushed by. In meetings she was the one itching to speak. Time was the one making her loose her mind because only it could tell you what was to come. Sadly it only spoke sign language. Sadly times occupation was worse than when it was a healer. But all in all, she quite understood what it was trying to mutely say: There was nothing. He gave her nothing. Nothing but empty air.

If she was lucky she would receive a firm hello if it were possible, but what she hated about this little detail was that it came forced. Most of what he did recently after he moved out was forced. At times she tried to remember everything but. She was momentarily scared when it was this new him that she remembered.

It was most embarrassing when she tried to pick a conversation because it was like trying to save someone who doesn't want to be saved. How could she even talk to him if he shuts her down, quickly putting an end to any attempt?

In a miserable instant she wondered if he compared her to Suki.

The others notice the change in the atmosphere and tension in the air and just when it was going to be brought to the conversation Sokka remember that he had other important things to attend to and she decided then to make a run for it. She wasn't going to be confronted alone. Not when he had some fault into it. Either way, after it was quickly done and failed no one proceeded in asking anything.

This was one of the short reliefs. Toph wish that her life was made of short reliefs maybe then she wouldn't feel like she was decomposing.

Toph didn't know and she didn't ask also what became of Sokka after he moved out, where did he go, where was he staying, why was he angry at her? She only had one answer to all of her questions. Yes, he hated her. The others she guessed according to what she heard around work and what others slipped up.

Apparently he moved back to the old house he shared with Suki. Toph reminded herself that it was better than living with her.

Apparently he had moved on.

Apparently he not only was mad at Suki, he was mad at Toph also. The only difference: nobody knew what had caused the muted disagreement. Toph only wished she was part of those who estimated other people's problems.

But above all what caused her more anguish than anything occurring these days was the lack of care or not care at all that Sokka used to refer to Toph to others. She wasn't sure if he didn't know she was there or if he knew she was, nevertheless his words would still echo at the end of the day. Like critics. Except Toph didn't mind what others thought of her. Only him. And hearing him do so was like taking the world on her shoulders. It took everything for her not to cry.

"Don't ask; she wouldn't know," he had said, "she couldn't see it even it was in front of her."

She once was happy when she had heard him laugh. It was such liberation until it sarcastically continued. "Yeah. She's at blind as they come."

She wasn't sure it was at her but she was sure it was. Maybe all she witness was a coincidence but something in her stomach told her differently. And by then she had hit her limits in taking every critic he threw, even if not directly, at her.

"She's just Toph. A bit ignorant but you shouldn't let it bother you. I mean you get over it easily. I did."

"It's good to know you're okay." Toph said loud enough for him to hear as she passed.

As she exited the doors from the Republic City police force she was hit by cold night air. The working day was done and if it were normal happenings she would have gone to her house and rested the weekend away. Not tonight. Tonight her heart was filled with bitterness, with resentment, tonight the question was what should I drink, where should I do drown my problems. Where can I forget.

It was momentarily answered when some men from the police force asked her to come join them celebrate a goodbye since some of them were going to be transferring to other areas of the four nations.

She accepted.

* * *

The night was a blur and all that she remembered was laughter and swooshing colors and light. Men, strange men. But then there was him. She couldn't actually see but she was sure he was beautiful. The air that surrounded him, the way he talked, the way he carried himself, the way he said her name with just knowing her a few hours ago created the sense, the foreboding that he was that type of man. And maybe for a moment, if her mind wasn't so drunk, she had thought that this man was better than Sokka. And maybe later after that when it dawn on her finally she started to cry.

For everything.

All the things he did. All the things he was. All the things that he meant. All the things he did to her. All the things he didn't do to her. All the things he was to her. All the things he wasn't or could ever be to her. All the things he meant to her. All the things she didn't meant to him. All the things he said behind her back. All the things he made to hurt her.

Everything that's him.

She cried for everything that's him.

Then all of the sudden her sorrow was forgotten. Then all of the sudden everything blackout. In those moments she was happy, she was ultimate. If there was a place with nowhere to go she had reached that place. Toph didn't want to wake; she didn't want this bliss to end. She didn't want this contentment to reach a finale.

But quickly after her conscious surfaced she felt pain. She felt sore. Something was missing.

The first thing she felt under her feet was four walls. Then she made out it to be a bathroom. The only explanation for why her pants were down. But then she felt her shirt.

Her heart fell.

Toph wasn't aware how but she had tried to clean up and now was headed off the bar or whatever it was. There was no one except for this one man sweeping the floors. He told her they were closed and then he told her it was morning.

Oh, how she wanted to cry again.

She was out of there as quickly as she could. She was tripping with her own feet, each time she did she hiccupped her hysteria. She couldn't say that everything was blurring because she couldn't actually see but her eyes were oceans as vast as her ears witness every time it was brought to a conversation. But on another level, her vibrations were unreadable and all she heard was he heart racing in a panic, trying to runway to a hiding place. As much as Toph tried to explain that it was forever trapped in a cage made of feeble ribs it didn't listened, it kept pumping. Shameful.

For a second she thought the small heart dead when it stopped when Toph was grabbed by the arms.

"Toph?"

How long had she been running? Why was Sokka here? Where was she going?

"Let me go!" She twisted, stumping until she broke. Her breath came like small interjected flights from so called birds. For a second she thought she tweeted. But then she realized she was just exasperated. She wasn't thinking straight.

"What's wrong?" Sokka questioned her precariously.

What _was_ wrong? She asked herself. But the possibilities were infinite. The potentials were unlimited. The answers inestimable. You, she said. Me, she said. Me, she repeated. Me, she repeated. Us, she concluded. We, she figured. What's wrong with _you_?

Her answer was mute and yet as clear as hands under blood soaked water. She took off, her feet wobbling. Not the color but the word red repeating over and over.

"Toph!" he shouted, his voice fading.

Obviously she couldn't see. She was grateful for that. Grateful that she couldn't see his face. Grateful that he didn't follow the trail she left behind. That he didn't chase her. Grateful that ironically she did saw that coming.

* * *

There was that knock again. She was stupid to believe he wouldn't look for her. Well, she hadn't gone to work for three days now. She had some part controlled, under her regimen. But facing others was far out of her puppets strings. Toph for some crazy idea was tearing thinking of all those people she had to face. The reality that awaited her.

Toph cringed at the sound in her bed where she was cocooned in. She was, she figured, in a state of shock. She was afraid of herself, of who she could become. And how that person would react around company. Correction: the strings were cut.

This was the hundred time Sokka was at the door. Somehow that made her feel a little safe even though the threat was far away. But the implications of what happened stayed with her. A shadow overcasting under her.

For the first time she stood. Not like other times Sokka persisted in the knocking, and every time he did she heard the same voice accusing her and she could no longer take the words that heaved around her shoulders.

As she neared the door she wanted to trace her steps back to her bed, where she could rest and digest something that was only half bitten. But she pushed herself.

One last knock before she opened the door.

There was silence and Toph wasn't sure if Sokka had left. She was about to close the door, thinking that she had imagined and in fact was going crazy when he started to speak up.

"Toph?" he said her name and it reminded her of something so familiar that it made her want to puke. "What's going on?

The voice answered. _I slept with a man. A Stranger. _


	5. One Two Three Collapse

**A/N: Sorry for the late update I'm at the hospital but I feel so awesome thanks to God that I literally don't know why they're keeping me here. I like to thank the people who reviewed; you guys make me feel special. There's only one chapter left but don't worry they'll be a sequel and heck every ship deserves a happy ending. Sooo keep the reviews and feedback. I'm not promising but maybe I can start a chapter tomorrow and upload it the same day. **

* * *

"Don't tell me you got rapped?" Sokka's voice was a pitch, almost reaching hysteria. Toph wondered, for a brief moment, why- with all the horrible things he had said about her- was the idea of her being physically hurt enough to change his mind? Was she just considered a victim to him, that when something bad happened he would reach out to her as if nothing happened? Was she that disabled?

For a second she was filled with rage, that of everything that happened he would cave under these circumstances. But what she was mad most of was that he seemed to worry as if he actually cared. And with this rock floating in her stomach she answered. "No, of course" she said. "I wanted it."

Sokka's raising chest that was increasing as she relentlessly( after he prided her to do so) told the story now collapsed. She interpreted that of the sounds he made but she wasn't sure if she heard him gasped.

"What?" his words came like breaths.

Toph crossed her arms and turned the other way. She held her head high. "It was all my idea." Though she didn't remember that transpire as her being the source of it.

"Then…. why haven't you come to work?"

She bit her lip.

"Toph?"

"I don't remember who he was."

"What?" his words seemed to bent, pronunciation tripping with unawareness.

Toph was suddenly embarrassed. Now that it was out of her and others knew it made her feel ashamed. More or less because she sounded like a tramp. Maybe in terms of what had happened she was.

"It," she gulped, a lump forming in her throat, "it was all your fault…" Toph wasn't aware of how much pain she had until she had said the words. She thought that she had been miserable before but it didn't estimate for an instant to what she felt now. She thought for a moment that maybe she was better off dead.

"My fault?" his tone of voice hinted a trace of insult. "For starters I wasn't going about having inter-"

"I heard what you said the last couple of days." She never thought her voice would sound so venomous. "You said I was ignorant. That you shouldn't let that bother you…You said I was blind. Hello? didn't you get the memo a few years back!

"Sorry," she declared, deflated. "Sorry if I wanted to drown the… the thought that the only person who understood me, my incapacity, my failure, my triumph just forget about that because I didn't want him in my apartment. It was too complicated for my ignorant brain to process all at one. Clearly since I'm blind I have to take one thing at a time. But I bet you knew that."

"I still don't understand why you did that," was the only thing he said.

"Because I ruined your marriage!" she almost shouted.

Surprisingly Sokka started to laugh and for a second she imagined him doubling over in hysteria. "And how's that?"

"Because Suki said-" Toph's blood drained out of her face and it was hard for her to recollect her exact words and even if she did she felt stupid saying them. Maybe she was ignorant like he said.

"Yeah?" he mused.

"She said you loved me and that…" Toph felt like she was about to faint as she rushed in. "But it wasn't- Clearly Suki was wrong- I should have-But I still- do you?"

There was a hesitation and she felt her heart sank. "I love you as a sister…"

"Oh, right…" she felt suddenly angry. All this time, all this frustration, all this nonsense was for a mere speculation Suki had made that had destroyed her surroundings. No, she had to be wrong. All this suffering couldn't be for nothing, could it? All those…

"Why did you sleep all those times with me?" she said, trying to find something, anything that made sense here.

"I was depressed-" he began.

"Oh, Spirits." She felt her eyes stung. "What have I done?"

"Toph?"

"Can you leave?" she asked a bit too eager and when he didn't respond she got frustrated. "Are you deaf? Leave!"

When he didn't she pushed him out the door and almost kicked him out. Then she hesitated before she melted on the ground. Toph hadn't known that she hadn't really cried, not really, not compared to what she did now. Sokka calling her name made things worse so she just pretended she didn't hear as she dragged herself somewhere even she couldn't find herself. Because she was sure that if she did she would only face a stranger.

* * *

There was a knock on the door. It felt like the thousand time that day. Toph was tired and she didn't want to take on another thing when she wasn't over this one. Two days had passed since her finding out that- her brain didn't have the capacity to process everything or anything at that moment. All she wanted was to live in this absent place in her head where everything was all right and nothing was damaged or broken.

"Toph?" said the familiar voice, the sound muffled by the door. "It's me Katara."

Until she was facing Katara and her recent baby bump was she aware that she had got up from wherever she was and had reached the door. She blinked several times until her vision focused on Katara and that made her snap. There was a real life out there.

"Toph, why haven't you come today at work?" was the first thing she asked. Before Toph could answer Katara went on. "Actually, why haven't you the past several days?"

"I haven't been into it." Toph could only say. How could she explain something she was so embarrass to even think? Would she understand or only look her strange as if she was the most incompetent person in the world? Maybe she was.

"Can I come in?" Katara asked, making Toph step aside so she could come in. Inside Katara stood there awkwardly until she decided to sit down on a near sofa. There was a long silence. "Toph, what happened?"

Toph hesitated. Why would she tell Katara any of this? Was it just some way to report to Sokka? Or was she genuine worried?

"You know you can trust me." Katara assured covering a hand on top of hers.

Not until this point did she realized what the last couple of weeks did to her. She had turned into some paranoid fearful girl. How can she even think something so mischievous of someone who is so authentic, so indisputable? Sokka really changed her. The bad part was that it was for the worst.

Toph opened her mouth.

* * *

_Sokka read the same line over and over. The letters were bouncing in her head but his mind couldn't process what was happening. There were only four letters but they were like different orbs aligning. _

* * *

Toph's eyes were watering. And she didn't understand why she was still so depressed about it. She just messed up big time. Nothing to be so melodramatic about it. Yet bringing it to mind… she wanted to start to moan and cry.

"Oh, honey." Katara said and somehow Toph found herself in Katara's motherly hands as she rocked her back and forth, feeling the fetus soon to be baby close to her. Why did she do that? Did she know that saying and doing things like that made her feel batter? Maybe because her mother never did that to her, never made her feel safe, wanted and how Katara was the real motherly figure she had around her life. Or maybe because some weeks ago she was holding Sokka just like this.

"How can you say that?" Katara asked after Toph calmed down somewhat.

"Because it's true." was her answer and wasn't it so clear?

"Toph, Sokka does not hate you. I don't think he is capable of it. What he does most is ask about you. I think he is sort of distraught."

"Really?" it was nice how Katara made up crazy tales just to make her feel a little less shameful. Not tales exactly, maybe fables. "What makes you say that?"

"Well," she said thoughtfully, choosing her words carefully, "I've seen him troubled, going through paper work like he's trying to find out something… important."

* * *

_It was a long walk down the stairs and the halls but it was only a short one if you ran. Sokka was breathless as he barged in the office of the Commander Officer, the one in charge of discharging men to different parts of the Republic City and different parts of the Kingdoms or Nations or Tribes. The man behind the desk looked startled but then when he settled looked annoyed. Before the man could speak Sokka stated his name, position and purpose. _

* * *

_ "Is he?" Sokka demanded for the second time after ten minutes through in the small office. _

_ The man held some documents close as he positioned his glassed. There was silence. The man let the documents and the folder containing them fall to the desk. _

_ "Yes. He's dead." Sokka tried to contain his balance as he took the news. For a second he forgot to breath and his head was spinning. "For what purpose do you need this information, Consul Man?"_

_ "It," Sokka said trying to find words in his sudden blank paged brain, "doesn't matter now. Right? I mean his dead." _

It had been a while since Katara left and Toph felt a little bit better. She had never been spoiled for so long that it felt strange, almost good. She almost forgot everything. Now left alone in her apartment she felt an echo of what was left behind. The only things that remain was the promise of Katara who would return soon with some things to cook her a meal, since she had talk to Aang and was staying a night at Toph's apartment. Maybe tonight she would have some peace.

Suddenly there was a knock on the door and Toph automatically rolled her eyes as she stood and headed towards the door.

She twisted the knob and pulled saying, "Katara I told you not to knock. You know you can just come in."

A second before the reply she realized what she had done. "That wasn't the case before."

* * *

**I know it's short but I hope is sufficient. **


	6. Dead

**A/N: this is the last chapter and thank you people for the reviewing and the great feedback. In the end I will inform you about the other sequels. **

_Dead._

"Sokka?" Toph's air was lunged out of her lungs like pigeons about to be catapulted from great heights.

For an instant Sokka was frozen not knowing what to do. He forgotten for a moment how she looked, how she changed. She looked tired and exasperated. He only but hesitated in her presence.

_Dead. The man you… you… slept with is dead._

He held the words in his tongue, maybe it wasn't the right time to tell her. Why make her suffer so continually? Why would he do that?

_Maybe because…_Sokka shook his head. _No_. He didn't want it. He wasn't jealous or protective or resentful. Sokka didn't want to be _him_. After all he was a dead man, now. Of course Sokka wasn't the only one to end in the hands of Toph. He should have known at least that bit. Others would expire too when they met her. Who she is, was and was so clear to become and they would want more. And things in great amounts aren't usually good.

"Toph," Sokka was surprise that he still sounded out of breath and exhausted from the jog he took to get here, "I'm… can I come inside?"

Toph stood there, deciding was an incapacity at the moment. Sokka was going to ask again until she spoke just as he opened his mouth to do so. "Why- Why should I? I asked to be alone and you're… not listening."

"But can you listen to _me_?"

Toph looked at the ground but Sokka knew that it wasn't that (after all she can't see). She was deciding what she would do. He was scared she might refuse but when she stepped aside he held in a breath of relief. He immediately walked in and found a place to sit, not wasting time as to have a spare to gather all he needed to say.

Toph had her arms crossed, but she wasn't sitting down, her face looked a shade pink. "What is it that you came here for?"

Desperation. Sokka was full of desperation. Should he tell her that that man was killed by a mob of fire benders while on the job? Would she immediately know that he was looking for that man to have a confrontation? To know exactly what type of man Toph had been messing with? Would she know he was mad it wasn't him instead?

With this desperation Sokka jumped to his feet and grabbed Toph by the shoulder, she tried to have eye contact. It was weird since they say she's blind but Toph has been the only person who he can look in the eyes and feel like his being attended to, like he was part of something important, that he was saying something important.

"I'm," he felt Toph tense, "sorry." For what I'm about to tell you. "You know that I love you." But I can't find the words to say this exactly. "I'm sorry for what I've done, or said that may have caused you to hate me." He pulled her into his arms. "I know I always ruined things up. I'm so stupid"

He couldn't do it. He couldn't tell her the truth. Instead he told another one. He meant it and not until Toph reciprocated did he realize how much sadness he had been holding since their fight. Her laugh was enough to forget everything. Why was he there?

She agreed. "If you think I will ever hate you then you really _are_ stupid."

Sokka pulled away trying to look for a change in her expression that might indicate any reaction before he spoke. "Toph, why do you always do that?"

"What?"

"Forget so easily."

"Because that's the last thing you do when you forgive." She said as if it was so comprehensible.

" Toph, you know that all those things I said…" he began a lit bit too shameful and bitter that he had to stop and push forward the taste.

"You never meant it," she finished. "It's okay. That's what dad used to say."

"I just…"

"We're okay. Okay?" Toph said but Sokka knew that of all the things the least she felt was okay. And he doesn't know if it was because he knew her for so many years and had gone through so much experiences and encounters and occurrences but he knew she was lying.

"I need you to promise me something," he said.

She was precautious when she asked "What?"

"If," he strained to find the correct words to piece them together to create the right sentence, "I ever make you feel like you're mistreated or offended or upset or… hurt I want you to get mad, okay? Because," he said, feeling his frustration escalate to his chest and head and lungs, "you can't be so forgetful. I don't deserve you're forgiveness."

He saw as her face blanked and it was so clear, like glass, like water, like her, _like her_ that she was holding herself together. But she was failing miserably.

He continued. "And if I'm a jerk or an ass… but especially to you, I want you to tell me, I want you to stop me, I want you not to forgive me- because that's the only way you'll let me know I've crossed the line, that I've gone too far, that I reached some sort of boundary." He waited a moment to let this sink in her pores, her mind, her reasoning. Then he said. "I don't ever want to make you feel like I've broken you…"

Then she started crying and he wondered what he did this time. Why everything he did-he destroyed, he wrecked, he unmake-

But then she said between breaths and between tears and between pieces of herself "Don't ask for thing that are impossible. You can ask for anything-I will give you anything, except the impossible. But don't ask me to not to forgive you because that is impossible."

"I don't deserve-"

"You can't decide what you deserve," she shouted this time. "You can't do that."

He doesn't know why, but he was starting to get mad. That was the last thing he wanted but he couldn't help it. Who was she to tell him what to do? Who was she to deem him the right to be like everybody else?

"Why not?" he said. "It's my own life and I should decide what I do with it. You can't tell me what and what not to do and who I am and-"

"That's the problem," she said, "we will always rate ourselves a second version of ourselves. We don't know what we deserve because we don't know what we're capable of. And you, Sokka, are capable of anything. And thinking you don't deserve anything in life is impossible."

"_What are you saying Suki?" he said, not believing what he was hearing. "How-how can you say that?" _

_ Suki's eyes are distrusting as she looked at him. As if she couldn't decided whether he was being honest or whether he was lying. He didn't know why but it rubbed him the wrong way. More because her accusations were unmistakably severe and insane. She lost her mind, he thought. _

_ "I see," he could notice that talking was painful to her, "the way you look at her- the way you talk to her and I feel like you ask me to marry you because you're confuse. Like… you're trying to run away from that, from something…" _

_ "Oh, my, spirits," he heard his voice sounding outraged but in his mind all he could make out was the chaos and disorder and madness. Because of Suki. He had to say something fast or she will. "I get it now… you're jealous." _

_ "Please Sokka," she said, "I would never be jealous of Toph. I, mean, look at her-"_

_ "And now you're criticizing her," he added annoyed fumbling with his hands to indicate that, even though it was clear enough. _

_ "Can't you see?" she asked, incredulously. "I haven't even said a word about her and you're already accusing me, defending her."_

_ "I…" he didn't know what to respond with… because she was right. He didn't even notice until she pointed it out. He was getting all defensive with her _fiancé _because he referred to his _friend _in a wrong way. What was happening to him? _

_ "And I love you and I want you to be happy. So, I want you to decide because I can't decide for you...I can't inflict a verdict because I'm too selfish." _

_ "Why?" he asked seeing it was the only thing that occurred to him._

_ "Because I might choose her." _

Here it was again. The same word. Impossible. And how she made sense and how he liked her logic and how she made him feel better. Because she made him feel important…it made him feel possible.

"So promise me," she shouted. She wanted to confirm. That was the thing with Toph, she always wanted to confirm. She didn't care if it was right or wrong, or if they would or wouldn't because either way they would. "Promise me you'll never ask me to hate you because I can't. I can't hate my brother."

It was like something crashed. The sound was so close and he feared it might have come from the outside and he wanted to reach a window maybe to see if he could put a face to this disturbance. But as he kept looking at Toph for some kind of reaction, so kind of indication that she heard it too did he realized it was him. His heart. It crashed. It burned. It ached.

He understood Suki's words know and maybe he knew all along and it only provoked the point more of him trying to distract what he was feeling by committing to someone else. Maybe because he was scared, maybe because he was afraid or shameful that he'd be thinking of another when he had one for him now- or then. He understood now why he didn't told her about the man, about how he died, why he asked her to hate her, or why it was so difficult to promise.

Because it's easier to hate than to love.

Because It's easier to forget than forgive.

Because it's easier to pretend than to commit.

And even though it's difficult and even though he's not fully honest and even though he was just in an accident and he his struggling and even though his adding ands to his mind to prolong the moment he has to say something, he has to prevent the walls that are rising, that are forming, that are preventing.

But all he could say was "I promise."

And all he could think was _this time I've done it. _

**A/N: So yeah, I do not like fru fru happy endings out of nowhere I think it's a little unbelievable at times. So if you want to know what happened next you should read my two chapter story Beneath Dark Waters which will explain few things (Warning: I wrote BDW before this one like a year ago, so forgive me if it sounds off or if there some mistakes) and when you're done you should read the Tokka Week I did last summer (Was it?) that will conclude the whole story. Thank you for reading **


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